Turkey Vulture vs. Black Vulture – How to Tell the Difference

Turkey vultures and black vultures are two distinct species that can look very similar. Read on to discover their unique habits and how to tell them apart both in the air and on the ground.

Turkey vulture perched on a post. Original artwork subject to copyright, Alaina Miller, 2021.

An Ominous Visitor

One crisp morning while camping with the blacksmiths near Austin, Texas, my neighbors and I were standing around a campfire with our breakfast beverages trying to wake up, when out of nowhere a huge brown vulture swooped over our heads and landed on a nearby electric pole. It turned to stare at us with unsettling intelligence in its bright amber eyes.

One of my companions returned the bird’s judgmental look. “Turkey buzzard,” he said. “Nasty bird. They’ll kill a calf, give ’em half a chance.”

I glanced at the bird – which, sure enough, was a turkey vulture – and said, “Don’t you mean black vultures?”

“Nope. Turkey buzzards. Mean S.O.B.s. Anybody got a BB gun?” 

He was joking – vultures are protected by the Migratory Bird Treaty Act of 1918 and it is very illegal to kill one without a specific permit. Everyone knew this, and even if they didn’t, no one felt motivated to move away from the fire. The vulture hung out with us for the better part of an hour before it finally stretched its six-foot wingspan and flapped away. 

This left me to wonder: Where did my friend get this “mean buzzard” idea? Do turkey vultures deserve it?

Facts About “New World” Vultures

Vultures – or “buzzards” as they are sometimes known in the US – play an important role in the health of our ecosystem. Without their disgusting habit of gobbling up dead things we would be up to our eyeballs in killer bacteria. 

They are surprisingly tidy about their business. Their lack of feathers around their heads means less to clean as they stick their beaks deep into a carcass. It also helps keep them stay cool on hot summer days. 

The tough scale-like formations (called “scutes” if they are scaly and “reticula” if pebbly and round) on their long legs serve a similar function. Vultures habitually urinate (or poop – they do both at the same time) on their legs. The high acid content in their fecal matter helps eliminate deadly pathogens like anthrax, botulism and rabies.

Vultures are the masters of soaring, riding effortlessly with the air currents, hardly flapping their broad wings. They are highly social birds. They roost, fly, and eat in groups, many of them related to each other.

The greatest joy of my childhood was watching these birds take off from the trees surrounding my house to catch a warm air thermal early in the morning. They’d circle gracefully around, more birds joining to ride the spiraling column of air to its peak. Then they’d slide off one by one, drop down to catch the next thermal and up again they went. They repeated this process until they finally disappeared from sight behind the hills.

Flying in such groups means more eyes on the lookout for food. Contrary to popular belief, not all vultures have a keen sense of smell. Most species rely more on their acute vision to spot food. 

This is true of the black vulture, who often takes advantage of the turkey vulture’s ability to locate food hidden from sight beneath a thick forest canopy, leaf litter, or dense undergrowth. These two species regularly socialize together and to the untrained eye they appear very similar. 

Turkey Vulture vs. Black Vulture – Visual Identification

With a bit of practice and perhaps a handy pair of binoculars, you’ll be able to tell the two species apart by looks alone. Here is a side by side comparison of what to look for: 

Heads 

• Turkey vultures have bright red bald heads, hence their name. Their beaks are pale and their nasal openings are huge. Looking at their profile, you’ll be able to see right through their nostrils. 

• Black vultures have black or dark gray heads and dark, strong, narrow beaks ideal for tearing through tough flesh and hide. The nasal openings are much smaller and you definitely cannot see through them.

• 

  Turkey Vulture

• 

  Black Vulture

Color

• Turkey vultures tend to have a lot more brown in their feathers, most prominent in younger specimens.

• Black vultures are a solid glossy black from shoulder to tail.

Turkey and Black Vultures hanging out together. Can you tell who is who?

Flight Profile

• Seen in flight, turkey vulture wings sport a wide white band across the entire length of the wing. Their tails are longer and held more straight in flight.

• Black vulture wings are a little bit shorter and broader and instead of a long white band, the white on their wings is restricted to the tips in a “star” pattern. Their tails are slightly shorter and spread open like a fan. 

Black Vulture (left) vs. Turkey Vulture (right) in flight. Size approximation is close to true.

Vulture Behaviors and Habits

The turkey vulture and the black vulture may be close cousins on a genetic level, sharing the same diet and region, but they certainly do not share the same attitudes. 

The turkey vulture is timid and shy by nature preferring to avoid confrontation. Not so the black vulture. Once congregated at the dinner table, black vultures will bully off the turkeys to get first dibs, who wait off to one side for their turn.

Black vultures are aggressive and bold enough to go after food that isn’t yet dead. Newborn livestock are of particular interest to them. They go for the calf while it is still helpless and the mother too exhausted to fight off a dozen or more persistent birds. 

Black vultures are opportunistic and intelligent. This habit of killing live animals is likely a learned habit. One bird watches another figure it out, then they in turn teach it to others until eventually the whole flock is in on the “game”.

The bad turkey vulture reputation is not only a case of miss-identification, but may also be due to association. If the rancher comes upon the scene of a live kill late, the black vultures may have already had their fill and taken off, leaving the turkeys behind to take the blame. 

When Vultures Become Vermin

With an increase in attacks in the Midwest in the last two decades, farmers and ranchers are wising up to the black vulture’s nasty tricks. Many seek permits to legally take the birds or call on local Wildlife Services to come in and cull their numbers.  

Non-lethal methods like chasing or herding the birds off, eliminating roosting sites, setting up dummies or employing guard dogs are all legal ways of discouraging the birds from attacking livestock. 

Both turkey and black vulture numbers have increased dramatically in recent years. Lack of predators, legal protection, changing climates and abundance of food may all be reasons for this.

Back in March 2020, lawmakers in Missouri created a committee called the Black Vulture Depredation Task Force to address the threat of black vultures to livestock and property. House Concurrent Resolution 102 is intended to study the problem in depth, collect data and asses the possible threats of vulture depredation on Missouri livestock in order to come up with an effective solution to this growing problem. 

Conclusion

Turkey vultures are characterized by their bright red heads and the broad white band that spans the length of their wings when seen in flight. They are non-confrontational and peaceful by nature. 

Black vultures are dark gray to black from beak to tail, with a small patch of white on the tips of their wings. They are bold and willing to target live prey, but are very rarely aggressive towards humans. 

Both species have seen a dramatic increase in numbers in recent years, and black vulture depredation of livestock is a serious concern in parts of the U.S. However, both species are protected by federal law and killing them without a special permit is illegal. 

If you believe vultures are threatening your livestock, please contact your local Agriculture or Wildlife authorities for advice and assistance. Otherwise, I highly encourage you to grab your binoculars and go observe these beautiful masters of the sky!

Dehydration – Signs and Prevention for the Workin’ Fool

I figured I’d better follow up the last post with a bit more information on recognizing and preventing dehydration, because I know too many folks who work outdoors or in hot conditions and who tend to ignore or overlook this serious threat. You’re busy. You need to work and work hard. You don’t always have time to stop and take a break when your body needs it. Trust me, I get it. But what would you rather do – take a few minutes from work, or take several days in a hospital, potentially ruining your ability to work?

Dehydration is when your body is losing more water than it’s taking in. Along with this water, the body also loses salt and trace minerals. Let it go too far and your body starts to shut down major functions one at a time, devoting all its energy to keep your heart and brain functioning. But it can only do this for so long before those functions, too, collapse. I think you can guess the results.

Now, I’m no doctor. While I base everything I write about on first-hand experience and the simple (often scoffed at) science of observation, I am no expert. See disclaimer at the end of the page.

Everyone’s heat tolerance is different – get to know how your body responds. While you’re out there working, pay attention for these signs:

• Thirst. I’ve been told if you’re even a little thirsty, you’re already 1% dehydrated. Keep water within reach at all times. Take a small drink, or sip, as often as you can remember. Don’t guzzle – this can backfire on you and make you throw up, which dehydrates you further.
• Lack of sweat. Sweat keeps you cool via evaporation. If you’re not sweating, your body will overheat very quickly. With that sweat, you lose electrolytes, which allow your body to absorb water. Some folks don’t sweat much at all, which is okay. It is not okay if you stop entirely and suffer the next symptom.
• Your face suddenly pales. Listen to your co-workers if one of them tells you your face is pale. If you’re not sure, ask. Your blood vessels are constricting, trying to conserve moisture.  It’s also might indicate your insides are holding too much heat. Drink water or get electrolytes immediately. If you can, get somewhere cool, even for just a few minutes.
• Sudden bouts of dizziness, fatigue, and/or hand trembling. This is a very serious warning. Get plenty of water and electrolytes and get to a cool place fast. Take a break, sit down, and check your heart rate. If your heart beats too fast, its working too hard trying to get water to the brain and you need to give it a chance to get back to normal.
• Vomiting, sudden diarrhea, fading vision (“blacking out”), and severe dizziness. At this point your body is starting to shut down, starting with your digestive system.  At this point, you may find you can’t hold down plain water. Stop working immediately. Get to a cool place at once, sit down, and take tiny, frequent sips of an electrolyte drink or suck on an ice cube. SEEK IMMEDIATE MEDICAL ATTENTION!!! I can’t stress this enough, as at this stage you’re well on your way to heat stroke. Avoid guzzling ice-cold drinks, as this can lead to instant cramp and migraines.  

For a more detailed list of symptoms, please see the article “Dehydration in Adults” on WebMD.

The last thing you want to do is to shove yourself in a very cold environment for too long or guzzle iced or near-frozen drinks. Your blood vessels will automatically contract, forcing the blood you’re trying to cool away from your skin to pool around your over-heating organs.

Here is a list fantastic sources of electrolytes, and I recommend you have one or more of these on hand at all times, along with plenty of fresh water. Some of these are not to everyone’s tastes. That doesn’t matter. Just stock up on something you like:

• Gatorade, Powerade, or similar. They’re cheap, they’re everywhere, and come in dozens of tasty flavors. May not be suitable for diabetics, dieters, or people allergic to the ingredients. Diet versions may contain sugar substitutes that are difficult to digest. Do not drink any electrolyte drink exclusively. I’ve made myself sick doing this. Alternate drinks of Gatorade with equal amounts of straight water. 
• Vitamin C powder packets, such as Emergen – C. Compact and easy to carry, these powder mixes come in a variety of flavors, and don’t contain nearly the sugar content of other drinks. They usually work pretty fast and stay with you. Mix with water as directed, or to taste. Not a good idea if you’re allergic to vitamin C. A co-worker of mine recommended drinking this before working to get the maximum benefits.
• Pickle Juice, aka, Pickling Brine. For those who can stand the taste, pickle juice is about the fastest-acting rehydrating liquid I know of. Personally, I swear by it. Pickle brine consists of high concentrations of salt and vinegar, a touch of sugar, and trace minerals such as magnesium and potassium. All these work together to deliver one powerful, hydrating punch. However, it is concentrated, so I don’t recommend downing a big glassful. In a pinch, you can sip on a couple of ounces of straight juice, but it’s better to fill a glass full of ice, then pour in the brine. Even if your stomach refuses water, the brine will soothe and deliver. I always know when I’m dehydrated when iced pickle juice tastes like the best thing in the whole world. Other brines work as well – pickled olives, green or black, pickled garlic, gherkins (though they have more sugar), pickled beets, etc. – so take your pick. Then, when you’re feeling better, you can snack on the pickles!
•  “Poor Man’s Powerade.” Here is a wonderful do-it-yourself electrolyte water recipe I derived from www.doctoroz.com and modified for the average working person to understand. I’ve used a diluted form of this recipe for my animals, and it can be flavored or mixed with whatever you want:

1 qt. Water

1/2 tsp. baking soda

3 – 4 Tbs. sugar or honey

1, 1/2 tsp. salt

(More details on how this recipe can be used for animals in my next post.)

These are some beverages you should avoid while working or exercising in the heat:

• Alcohol. Duh. Do I have to explain this one? While I’m certainly one to enjoy a cold beer on a hot day, I advise saving it for later in the evening near closing time or after. Alcohol increases fluid loss and makes it impossible for you and others to tell when the heat is gettin’ to you.
• Energy drinks, soda, and sports drinks. Notice I did not say “caffeinated beverages.” While recent studies indicate caffeine is not a direct cause of dehydration, the caffeine content of some of these beverages may cause over-stimulation when over-consumed. This forces your body to work harder than it has to. These drinks also contain stupid amounts of sugar and calories and zero minerals, which can lead to kidney problems, obesity, sugar crashes, and diabetes. Many people I’ve met substitute soda for their entire daily water intake. This is dumb. Don’t be dumb. Alternate your soda intake with equal amounts of plain water, with sips of electrolytes in between. If soda makes you queasy, and water doesn’t solve it, that means it’s not hydrating you. Go for the electrolytes.

Keeping your body cool is just as important as staying hydrated, and I’d be remiss if I didn’t include my favorite tricks for beating the heat.

• Wear light-colored, breathable clothing. Dark colors absorb heat, and synthetic materials like nylon and polyester blends don’t breath or wick off sweat. Cotton, hemp, silk, and even wool allow your sweat to evaporate and air to circulate, cooling your skin.
• Wet your hair, soak a hat, or wear a wet bandanna. Your head releases the most heat on your body. It’s also the first piece of you the sun hits. Keep it covered and keep it cool.
• Spray bottles and misters are a wonderful ally and there are many neat products – like spray bottles with fans on them – available in the market. They’re fun and co-workers appreciate a light misting on a hot day.
• Keep towels soaking in ice water on hand. Wring out a towel just enough so that it isn’t pouring and drape across the back of the neck. This cools the blood flowing to and from your brain, heart and lungs. Replace when the towel gets too hot or too dry. Be careful that the water isn’t TOO cold, or you might get a temporary headache.
• Run cool water along the undersides of your forearms for several seconds. You can dry your hands, but allow the water to air-dry off your arms. This works along the same principle as the wet towels.

Thank you for reading this post. I hope you found it helpful. Stay cool this summer!

Peace.

Disclaimer: I am not a professional health care provider. This blog post is not all-inclusive. Please do your own research. If you need serious medical advice, ask a doctor. 

Like a California Raisin

It’s gettin’ really hot out there, reminding me of all my friends working and living in this heat, constantly under threat of dehydration and heat stroke. Working hard, it’s easy to ignore the warning signs until it’s too late.

My personal experience with severe dehydration (not the first time, but definitely the worst) happened while working the Southern California Renaissance Pleasure Faire in Los Angeles for the first time. I’ve visited Southern California on numerous occasions, usually during the winter, and the temperature rarely dropped below 50 degrees. At night. In the shade. So imagine what it was like living there for two months at the start of summer. When the temperature hit 70, we were diggin’ out the sweaters.

We had a hellacious journey traveling from Texas through the Mohave Desert in a brand new (twenty-year-old) car loaded to capacity.  Due to the car’s overheating every ten miles, what we calculated as a ten-hour drive turned into three long days. Add to that little sleep, barely any food consumed and not nearly enough water.  We almost didn’t make it to the first day of work – and I still technically didn’t have a job. So add STRESS, now, to that list.

We plunge into work. The SoCal (as the Rennies call it) faire is big and beautiful and draws literally throngs of people while we stand in the middle of them in three layers of garb slow-roasting in the West coast sun like a turkey in a tanning bed. A couple of days of running around and I finally land a job as a Breaker (someone who covers while others go take a break) for Hubby’s boss.

I never saw it coming. I finished up a break and popped behind scenes to sit for a minute since I was tired from lack of sleep and standing around shouting at people all day. I sat in the shade of someone’s storage truck and, since I had a good fifteen minutes before my next break job, I decided to lay back in the grass and relax a bit.

Three hours later I woke up dry heaving and nauseated. I wasn’t sweating and my face was so pale, you couldn’t see the sunburn from the previous day. I tried to drink water, but it came right back up and made the nausea worse. Dizzy and feeling like someone replaced my bones with lead, I apologized to the boss and made straight for a friend’s place, where I knew they had a cool place for me to rest. I almost didn’t make it – by the time I got there, I couldn’t hardly see straight and I was so hot I felt cold in my layers.

My buddy saved me. She got me situated in a chair and handed me a great big tall glass of iced down pickle juice.

Pickle juice? What? Oh, yes. Better than Gatorade. Pickle juice is loaded with electrolytes (mostly in the form of vinegar, but I wouldn’t recommend downing straight vinegar unless you’re masochistic and can do without vocal chords for a while) which allow the body to absorb water.

You know you’re dehydrated when that pickle juice tastes downright delicious. I sucked down the first cup and a couple more, pouring the juice over the ice each time (the ice allows you to get some water in without throwing it up, and makes the taste less pungent). Within a few minutes, I felt the color come back to my cheeks, my vision cleared and the nausea faded. I took the rest of the day off and rested. By the next work day I felt 100% ready to endure L.A.’s punishing dry heat.

I may have likely suffered minor heat stroke. I still think I’m lucky to have woken up at all, and more than thankful for reliable friends and the awesome powers of Pickle Juice.

 

Snake Dreams and Hypocracy in the Workplace

I’ve had snake dreams all of my life, and gradually, I’ve learned how to interpret them. For me the meanings are simple, based on the type of snake, the situation surrounding it, and my feelings as the dream takes place.

Generally, any snake I dream of is a symbol of an issue that is causing me stress either physically or emotionally. A non-poisonous snake often indicates a physical problem, and a poisonous one drama that affects my emotional state. Generally, if I encounter a poisonous snake, and try to handle it, the snake bites me (resulting in a surreal pain and, once, my death), indicating that I need to leave something in my waking life alone.

Usually these dreams are vague or I have to think about them a few days to work out their meaning. This time I had a snake dream, and when I awoke, I knew exactly what the dream was trying to tell me.

I’ve been dealing with a lot of work-related drama, and thanks to my good intentions, wound up in the middle of it. This drama was tearing apart a good team and strong friendships. So many lies flew around that it became impossible to tell who I could trust. I would go home feeling exhausted both mentally and physically, with a terrible ache in my chest. I couldn’t eat and I couldn’t sleep soundly through the night.

Then I had a dream that went like this:

Someone handed me a snake and asked me if it was poisonous or not. I didn’t want to handle it, but found it in my hand nontheless. It was a copper-colored creature with a beautiful blue diamond pattern on it’s back. At first, it looked non-poisonous, but when I saw it’s evil orange, slatted eyes, I realized it was poisonous. As soon as I did, the thing thrashed violently, changing size and shape, the fangs first large and then small. I held it at the base of the neck, but it’s head twisted into hideous shapes and managed to bite my hand several times.

I released it and felt the poison slowly crawl up my arm with a hot, numbing sensation. I knew that if I didn’t get the antidote, the poison would hit my heart and kill me. The dream kept on for what felt like hours, and I cried louder and louder for help, but no one came, and I knew no one would. I sighed, disgusted, and promptly awoke.

Immediately, I knew that the drama at work would not stop, and that I would not get any help in resolving the issue. I knew I should let it go, but I couldn’t stand to see my friends suffer, so the next day at work, when my boss approached me to ask me what was going on, I attempted to sweep away the rumors and hopefully help out my struggling team mates.

The very next day, that snake I trusted in showed her true form by screwing both me and all of my team mates by getting rid of us in the sneakiest, most underhanded, childish and cowardice manner I’ve ever seen.

The snake in my dream turned out to be my boss – the head of all the lies. I wish it were not so, but now that the truth showed its ugly head, I am at peace. There is no point in me confronting this issue any further (unless she doesn’t pay me my last check, of course). I’m going to sit back and watch karma do the work for me.

She can have that restaurant – it’s been nothing but horribly bad mojo for over 20 years and she just inherited it.

Lets see how the snake likes living “in interesting times.”

For a more comprehensive guide to snake dreams, check out this informative page: The Definitive Guide to Snake Dreams.

 

“That Dog Don’t Hunt” – Rumors Debunked

Today I’ll be addressing three rumors I’ve recently heard that are scaring folks in my community: 

1) Is collecting rainwater illegal?

2) Is the government banning “off-grid” living?

3) Is the government moving against peaceful communes?

Also, I will address my issues with this new fad of “survival homesteading,” a term that raises many red flags with me.

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I’ll be the first person to admit that I’m not always the brightest bulb in the box. There was a day where my brain was so off I couldn’t see a yellow-handled hammer lying on the ground four feet away from me while someone pointed directly at it. No joke. I graduated with an average GPA in high school, never completed college, and my wittiest comments come hours too late.

However, my life on the road gave me some pretty well-developed instincts. So when I hear something that isn’t accurate, I may not know why at the time, but something in me tells me, “That dog don’t hunt…”

Is Collecting Rainwater Illegal?

One rain barrel is rarely an issue.

The short answer is No, there is no federal law stating collecting rainwater is illegal. Laws regulating the use of rain or grey water are specific to state and region. Most of the paranoid rumors are coming from old blog articles and threads from states in the West, where water regulations have been in place for many years. Most of these are high-risk fire zones, like Southern California, Colorado, and parts of Texas. These laws fluctuate all the time, depending on many factors from rainfall to some politician forgetting to modify the laws.

Politicians and “fear-bloggers” also use this as a tactic to garner more favor from the public. I was sad to see a 2010 article by Ron Paul promoting this rumor, which just goes to show that all politicians, no matter how “morally righteous,” are really out for themselves.

When you read about folks getting in serious trouble for collecting rainwater, it usually has to do with impressively large amounts of water, like in the case of this guy who collected 13 million gallons, or the car dealership guy using it to wash his cars in the drought-riddled state of Utah. Both persons suffered very small penalties in comparison to other “minor crimes.”

The fact is, most states PROMOTE the collection of rainwater, but you don’t hear of those, do you?

If you want to know the laws regarding the collection and use of rainwater in your state, don’t just rely on rumors, go research for yourself on your state’s agriculture laws website. Here is just one state-by-state listing.

Is It Becoming Illegal to Live “Off-Grid?”

This rumor comes from a report of a widow living in Cape Coral, Florida who was asked to vacate her property after the city found out she was not hooked up to the local power and water supply. According to this article, she is fighting the city’s antiquated laws and slowly winning. It’s of interesting note that the city pretty much ignored her until she made her lifestyle public on local news. She may very well change the law for the better.

A larder I’d love to have on my homestead.

Again, laws against off-grid living are extremely localized – they are usually city ordinances – and easy to maneuver around. There are no federal laws, nor do I find anything that states the feds give a crap. So long as you have a clean, running water system hooked up to your home and a sanitary sewage disposal system, the health department will look the other way. Find out your area’s zoning laws and figure out a way to comply with those laws while still, technically, living off-grid. Keep your homestead well-maintained, get to know your neighbors, and don’t do something stupid like trying to grow hemp (until it’s legalized, that is), or hording weapons.

Better yet, don’t go completely off-grid, but figure out how you can SUPPLY your local power provider with electricity. I know plenty of people who get paid by the power company for their excess power from windmills or solar panels. That turns you from a “lazy hippy” into a “valued supplier.”

Most of the non-political negative commentary I ran across came mostly from this extreme “off-grid survival” site that offered very little in the way of practical advice and was riddled with promos and advertisements. They like to take a handful of reports and blow them way out of proportion – like a PETA for survivalists! (What, like there is such thing as “ON-gird” survival???)

BEWARE! They might HUG YOU TO DEATH!

Is the Government Cracking Down on Communes?

 There’ve been crackdowns on communes since the 60’s, and there is still no federal law against them. There’s not really any state laws, either. It all boils down, once again, to local zoning regulations and a handful of paranoid neighbors claiming illegal activity on the commune property. Sometimes there really is a major grow operation happening, but most of the time the cops raid the place only to discover a handful of half-naked hippies pressing wheat grass and making gardens out of used tires. No drugs, no weapons, no illegal activities whatsoever, and nothing to make their time worthwhile in the courts.

In the case of a recent SWAT team raid of a commune in Texas, the cops swooped in, destroyed a handful of crops, confiscated a bit of garbage and in the end arrested only one person for “outstanding traffic tickets.” Because the members of the commune behaved in a peaceful and compliant manner, no one was harmed and the owner was able to keep her property without prosecution. Click here to read about the amazing details of this particular case.

Again, I will note, that no one gave a rat’s ass about this commune until they started openly advertising their lifestyle online. There’s always that one dumb redneck in the neighborhood (especially in Texas)

One of the many signs at Bishop’s Castle.

who saw a picture of a half-naked hippie flying a peace sign and thought, “DRUGS! GUNS! WACO!” Otherwise, why’d they send a SWAT team?

There Will Always Be Stupid Laws

The point is, there will always be stupid laws that infringe on the rights of US citizens. Many of these are old, outdated, or rarely contended. Greedy or ignorant persons will always try to target those trying to make an honest living and/or free life. It is the responsibility of all of us as individuals to empower ourselves with knowledge of the laws and to comply as much as possible with those laws and in the event those laws become unreasonable, fight them.

One famous case is that of Bishop’s Castle in Colorado. The sole builder, Jim Bishop, fought local authorities for 40 years just for the right to build a castle on his own property. I got to visit the castle, which is an utter masterpiece and still to this day free to the public.  To read his inspiring story, click here: The Story of Bishop’s Castle.

 “Survival” Homesteading — Now Here’s a Dog That Don’t Hunt

On one final note is the red flags that go off in the back of my mind when I hear the term “Survival Homesteading.” For one, that is a contradiction in terms. Survival means not dying in extreme circumstances. Homesteading is, essentially, farming – building a nice, comfy home, keeping livestock, tending a garden. Some skills cross over, such as knowing how to skin, clean and quarter an animal for cooking, but when you’re homesteading, you don’t worry about whether or not the weather will permit you to make a fire to cook said animal.

For an article that explains the difference far better than I could, read the article Survival vs. Homesteading by Frank Borelli.

This survival kit sells for $595.95 online. Worthless if you can escape with only the shirt on your back.

What raises the red flags for me is that lately survivalism and emergency preparedness are becoming a social fad fed by an overly-paranoid public. A lot of the websites I’m finding on the subject feel and look like anarchist groups, and many are product-driven. They want you to veer away from “corporate America,” but they want to sell you something while doing it. Many are also government-bashers, which in my opinion has nothing to do with the actual skill of surviving and everything to do with fear and politics. It’s Y2K all over again.

I fear that this anarchist attitude will become associated with the backyard garden, and thus unfairly targeting innocent, law-abiding citizens who just want a few tasty tomatoes for their salads. I don’t want to see my local, small-time farmer labeled a terrorist because of a slew of ignorant city slickers.

Oh, and here’s the truth about survival for all you city idiots: No matter how prepared you are, the least little screw-up and you’re just another candidate for the Darwin Awards.

Blood Transfusions Can Kill You

We, our fathers and grandfathers all grew up with this familiar image. Does that make it accurate?

In my recent visit with my OB Technician, she asked me straightforward if I had any ethical objections to any medical procedures, “For example,” she said, “Jehovah’s Witnesses would rather die than accept a blood transfusion.”

Now doesn’t that sound extreme? I giggled to myself when I replied, “Well, I will certainly refuse a blood transfusion, but not for religious reasons. I wrote a term paper on bloodless surgery in college and strongly feel the risks of a transfusion far outweigh the benefits.” 

Granted, for many, many years I studied under the Witnesses, and I wrote that paper in 2001. I also have not been an active member of my childhood religion in quite a number of years and my viewpoints on many things have changed. Yet after discussing the topic with my husband and digging up new research on the subject, my opinion on blood transfusions is the same. I’m willing to go so far as to say that it is stronger than ever.

Why would I refuse a blood transfusion when it could save my life? Well, to answer that, you have to ask another question: Do blood transfusions really save lives? Where’s the evidence?

Sadly, the evidence that blood transfusions actually help people is sorely lacking. Our faith in blood to save is really based on tradition and propaganda. Did you know that no clinical studies have ever been done on blood transfusions? Did you know that you can lose up to 75% (and in some extreme cases 90%) of your total blood volume and survive? Did you know that blood is actually a liquid organ, which deteriorates and looses its ability to transfer gases the moment it leaves the body? Did you know that accepting blood products compromise your immune system and increase your chances to get cancer and other diseases – permanently? Did you know there are over 270 blood-types with many more discovered every year? Did you know that transfusions cause complications ranging in severity from lengthy hospital stays to allergic reactions to death?

Have a Discerning Mind – Observe. Question. Decide.

Because zombies need blood, too!

Even a simple, discerning mind will question the effectiveness of receiving blood. Think about it. We know from our health classes in elementary school that blood contains hemoglobin – the protein responsible for carrying oxygen to our bodies. So it just makes sense that if you lose lots of blood, you need to replace it, right? Yet we forget that blood also is the taxi-cab of viruses and disease. Do you think that blood banks screen everything out? That’s just impossible with new diseases popping up all the time. AIDS, HIV, Hepatitis B and C, and Mad Cow Disease were all rapidly spread all over the world thanks to global blood banks.

It is said that thousands of soldiers would have perished in WWI if not for blood. Perhaps that is true, or perhaps the doctors didn’t know any better and fresh blood was so readily available. What about those stories where doctors, entrenched far behind enemy lines, saved the lives of their unit without blood? Clearly, then, blood itself is not directly responsible for saving lives.

There is a new documentary out that explores these questions and many more (such as the enormous cost of harvesting, storing and using blood) in great depth from a purely medical and scientific viewpoint. You never know when you are going to need major surgery, and it is vitally important for the lives and well-being of yourself and those you love to know your options (and risks) when you’re wheeled into a hospital.

This documentary is called, “First Do No Harm.” You can pay $9.00 to download it, or you can watch it on YouTube here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D85Lv4CWMLU. I recommend everyone who wants only the best medical care to watch it.

If you don’t think you can stand sitting through almost two hours of well-built video, you’ll get plenty of information from this 20 minute abridged version:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6GHit4MJMaE

Be warned, this is a documentary about blood. Even though it is very tastefully done, if you can’t stand the sight of blood, you may just want to listen to it. This documentary could possibly save your life.

“B-But, My Doctor Said….”

Never let doctors intimidate you into accepting any kind of treatment, even if that treatment is “standard procedure.” The field of medicine is one that is ever-changing in the light of new technology and circumstance. It must do this to keep pace with Nature, which cannot lie and constantly makes fools of the educated. It is the pride of the letters behind a doctor’s name that can make him blind to stark observational truths.

Remember: “Doctors advise, patients decide.”

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Further Research

Author’s Note – Keep in mind that when a document states statistics for transfusions, this likely means per bag of blood, not necessarily per procedure. Every bag represents a different donor. Since most hospitals prescribe a minimum of two bags per transfusion, this automatically doubles the risk factor. 

NO BLOOD – An older documentary that mostly explains why Jehovah’s Witnesses do not accept blood, but also highlights many alternative medical procedures that are still used today.

The Mayo Clinic on the risks of Blood Transfusions.

WebMD – Risk of Blood Transfusion

What is really dangerous: anaemia or transfusion? – BJA

Science Daily – New Research on the Overuse of Blood Transfusions

Unniversity of Michigan on the Overuse of Transfusions

 

The All-American LaMancha – The Milking Goat for Me

An adorable baby face!

A couple of years ago, while I was working a food booth at the Louisiana Renaissance Festival (my favorite show), I came back from an unusually long break to relieve my teenage co-worker. “Where’d you disappear to?” she asked me. With a big grin I replied, “Oh, I was just playing with the teats of eight lovely ladies,” I replied. Her eyeballs just about popped out of her head. “WHAT!?” she shrieked and I roared with laughter. “Goats, dear! I was milking goats!”

The fellow that ran the goat-soap booth brings along a small herd of milking goats with him and keeps them in a secure paddock at the back of the parking lot, where they can get to the acorns and tender pine needles. This little herd usually included up to eight mature milkers, a couple of young females getting familiar with the routine and one beautiful Alpine weather (neutered male) who went to “goat school” to learn to pull a small cart in Parade.

The ladies showing off “the goods!”

For two seasons, “Goat-Man Pat” taught me all about the intricacies and challenges of raising goats and showed me how to milk. In return, he let me take home some of the milk. Seeing as I was highly lactose-intolerant at the time, I greatly appreciated this. To this day I’ve never had sweeter, more delicious milk. To me, it was like drinking homemade ice cream!

Isn’t Goat’s Milk “Goaty” Tasting?

Many folks balk when it comes to drinking goats milk. Either they’ve had it in a store – for some reason, ultra-pasteurizing kills the taste – or the milk came from goats raised around an un-neutered male who liked to spray (tinting it with a “goaty” flavor), or it came from girls who were not fed properly, or allowed to graze on bitter forage. Pat’s goats had the warm smell of sweet feed, fresh hay, and that’s what his milk reminded me of. Oh, how I miss Pat’s milk!

These goats come in a variety of sizes and color patterns.

All-American

Pat’s herd consisted mostly of the floppy-eared Nubians and the no-eared LaManchas, a breed I came to appreciate and love. LaManchas are the only goat breed developed in the United States by Mrs. Eula Fey Frey of Oregon. The ears are not docked or clipped, they’re just really short and curly. This genetic oddity does not impair their hearing in any way, but they may catch dirt and dust in the little folds.

Pat’s LaManchas were quiet compared to the vocal Nubians, they were well-behaved (for the most part – one can only expect so much from a goat!), and milked out easily by hand. They are smaller than the Nubian, too, making them my pick for my future homestead.

The Best Breed for a Small Homestead

Who would not love this sweet baby?

While the Nigerian Dwarf is a smaller breed that produces milk with a much higher butter-fat content for making cheeses, Pat warned me quite passionately against them. “They never shut up, they’re notorious escape artists, and they breed like crazy!” he’d tell me, over and over. As if to exemplify his point, the lady who ran the medieval “farmhouse” across the lake had one. That thing NEVER stopped bleating, even on the weekdays (with or without company). Pat did mention that a “Nigie” cross-breed might be okay, if you really desire the butter-fat content, but after his experiences, he would have nothing to do with them.

I am not a fan of all the hormones and lack of nutrients found in today’s store-bought milk. With my first child on the way, my

Face-time!

thoughts turn more toward owning a milking animal. After comparing the needs of miniature cows versus goats, my vote stays with the goat. They’re cheaper, require less space, are far more entertaining, and can be raised in almost any outdoor environment. They’ll forage on anything, keeping the nettles and thistles down and the tree branches trimmed back. Goats are natural climbers and get bored if they can’t get up somewhere where they can look around. They will need a “goat-proof” enclosure and some kind of sturdy structure to climb on that is not my car.

Working with goats was like working with 100 lb. rats. They share much the same personality – ornery, sttubborn, intelligent, greedy, grabby, and a little too clever for their own good sometimes. All this just makes me want one even more!

 

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Further Reading

American Lamancha goat – Wikipedia

LaMancha Goats – Hobby Farms

History of the LaMancha Dairy Goat

Breed Standards | American Goat Society

 

The Paw Paw – Banana of the North

The Common Paw Paw, Asiminia triloba

I was overjoyed when I returned to my hometown to discover that the Paw Paws were in season. For years I boasted to my husband of this native fruit’s sweet, creamy texture and mango-peach-banana flavor. Now he finally gets to try it! Read on to learn more about this delectable edible.

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Young trees in the environment I’m used to seeing them in.

A Favorite Since Childhood

It was my parents who took me in hand as a young child and introduced me to this native shrub-like tree, which grew in the rich soil alongside our driveway. I’m sure this tree is what sparked my life-long love of identifying edible wild plants. Since then I found dozens of colonies growing along the creek banks and in the steep ravines of our wooded property. Each year around late September – early October, I’d take a walk down the driveway and as soon as I caught a whiff of the fruits’ pungent sweet scent (I

Despite their tropical-like leaves, the Paw Paw is a temperate plant that needs cold winters to thrive.

had a nose like a bloodhound when I was a kid, and sometimes still do), I’d start shaking all the trees I could find, my head whipping around to locate the fruits every time I heard a THUD! And, yes, sometimes they’d hit my head.

The trees are very easy to spot. They have broad, tropical-like leaves and thin trunks. Often, if the tree was short enough, I’d merely bend the whole tree down until my brother, or another friend, could reach the maturing fruits. I never snapped the trees – they are surprisingly supple.

The flowers bloom before the leaves form, making trees easy to identify.

In early spring, while I was scouring the ground for morels (about mid-March through May in my zone), I’d check on the paw paw groves to asses which trees would bear fruit later that year. Paw paw have beautiful, waxy flowers that fell off easily if tampered with. As I recall, they had a delicate, sweet aroma that black ants loved. I never did see bees or wasps visiting flowers, which makes me think that perhaps the tree is a throwback in flowering plant history.

When I looked this tree up, Wikipedia stated that “The conspicuous fruits begin
developing after the plants flower…” however, I’ve personally never seen fruit clusters even begin to form until fall. I doubt the Wiki-pencil-pushers escape their desks often to experience the things they write about!

 

These paw paws are what I consider perfectly ripe for eating.

The flesh w/ seeds.

Old textbooks on wild edibles used to say that the paw paw was inedible until it turned completely yellow-black and fell off the tree. This was, of course, completely untrue. Like a banana, once they reach this stage, the flesh is soggy and almost too sweat to bear by itself. I suppose, though, like a banana, once it reaches this stage it’d be perfect in bread recipes or frozen and tossed into a smoothie. Paw paw smoothie? Yummmm!

The reason paw paws are not on the market is they supposedly do not keep well, quickly going over-ripe. I don’t know what they’re talking about; picked barely ripe and still green, I’ve not had a problem keeping them fresh in the refrigerator for quite a few days. In fact, I have to take them out to get them to ripen further! Other sources confirm that the flesh cans and freezes well, too.

The seeds take up most of the space inside the fruit.

My brother and I used to make up our own board games and we would use paw paw seeds as playing pieces. They are large – up to and inch long! – and smooth and flat and I’ve found as many as twenty of them in a single fruit. They also made great worry stones when a buckeye wasn’t available.

Raising a Paw Paw Grove

I’ve seen some folks in the Midwest and Eastern US growing paw paw trees in their backyard. In fact, there’s a whole orchard of them in Ohio! (See “Further Reading” below.) Some states even hold paw paw festivals.

Cultivated trees have more robust foliage than those raised in the shade of a forest.

Recently, a friend of my dad’s wanted to come over and dig up some of the smaller saplings and collect seeds to start his own grove. The trees grow very quickly and do not get very tall. They bear fruit in just four years and the trees in my folks’ driveway are almost as old as I am and showing no signs of dying anytime soon. When walking through the woods, I look for trees at least ten feet tall – these are mature enough to bear fruit. They reach an average height of 30′ or so, but a really healthy tree can easily hit 40′ – 45′ (like our driveway tree, which gets more than the usual amount of sunlight and plenty of drainage).

Only the immature fruits of the papaya are remotely similar to the paw paw.

Some folks confuse the North American paw paw with the tropical papaya, which shares the same moniker. Of course, one look at the picture on the right will reveal how dissimilar they are.

So I hope you enjoyed this article and get a chance to try a taste of this amazing fruit!

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Further Reading

Wikipedia on the Common pawpaw, (Asimina triloba).

Briar Patch Outdoors — Hunting the Michigan Pawpaw by George Hedgepeth

NPR – A Coming-Out Party For The Humble Pawpaw, Native Fruit Darling by Allison Aubrey and Dan Charles

Integration Acres – A Paw Paw orchard in Ohio. Recipes and more.

Would You Eat A Guinea Pig?

This is Cavia porcellus, the domestic Guinea Pig. Cute, ain’t he? Belonging neither to the rodent nor pig families, this little grass-muncher is a popular pet in Europe and North America. He’s been domesticated for nearly 7,000 years, but he’s only been a pet for the last 500. In his native lands of South America, this little guy is an important staple in the family diet. 

Wait a minute! People EAT guinea pigs!? Absolutely. Not only are they easy and inexpensive to raise, they are reportedly delicious pan-fried or roasted and served traditionally with a side of dumplings and sliced tomatoes.

Hollywood certainly has not helped the meat-pigs reputation.

Most Americans are horrified when they think of their adorable little Ralphie served up on a plate, so before my comments are bombarded by PETA members and over-zealous vegetarians, let me clear up a few myths.

1) Although equally edible, American guineas bred as pets are not the same as Peruvian pigs raised for food. For one, Peruvian guineas (also known commonly as “cavies”) are larger and far less friendly. A pet cavie may only yield 1.5 – 2 lbs of meat, if you’re lucky, while typical meat cavies average more like 2.5 – 4 lbs. So American pigs really aren’t worth the trouble in the long run.

2) Meat pigs are not cooked alive! I despise this misconception, but with the ever-growing cultural ignorance in our country, it happens. Guinea pigs are prepped much like chickens; they are killed as quickly as possible, flash-boiled in water for 30 seconds to one minute to remove the hair, then the body dressed-out (the organs removed) and either immediately cooked or quick-frozen to eliminate harmful bacteria.

Cuy served in an up-scale New York ethnic restaurant with feet and head still attached.

3) “God will hate you forever!!!” Oh, I just love this misconceived comment because it inevitably crops up in just about every blog that features animals (especially small fuzzy ones) as food. It is made by “wannabe Christians,” often includes horrible grammar and too many exclamation marks, and is a dead ringer that the commentor has never read his/her Holy Bible. God understands humans as omnivores, otherwise, He would not have told Noah, right after he disembarked from the ark, “Every moving animal that is alive may serve as food for you. Just as I gave you the green vegetation, I give them all to you.” — Genesis 9:3.

There is absolutely nothing at all wrong with being a moralistic vegetarian or vegan. More power to you! But before you go blaming others for their natural eating habits, you might want to “remove the rafter from your own eye,” first. (Matthew 7:1-5)

Cuy on a stick, anyone?

So What Does Cuy (guinea pig meat) Taste Like?

According to aficionados, it is an all-dark meat similar in flavor to rabbit or the dark meat of a chicken. It is prepared fried, broiled, roasted, baked, stewed, or any other way one might prepare meat. It is high in protein and low in fat and cholesterol, making it a great potential meal for folks on a low-carb diet. However, I wouldn’t recommend running out and buying the first fat guinea pig you see – pet store pigs are raised on a commercial food, making them rather bland and tasteless. They’re also very expensive, costing an average $35 each.

Peruvian meat pigs. Notice the size.

All that said, if you want a crunchy cavy meal here in the US, and you’re not close to a Peruvian restaurant, you’ll have to raise them on your own. Despite cautions from reputable breeding sites such as the American Cavy Breeders Association (ACBA), and the American Rabbit Breeders Association, Inc., guinea pigs are natural-born breeders. After a long gestation period (about 68 days), they pop out 3 or 4 fully developed offspring, who are eating solid food in less than a week. Mere hours after giving birth, Momma’s good to go for another round. Female offspring are ready to breed as soon as four weeks. Care must be taken to ensure you don’t get more piggies than your larder can handle.

There are many stories of unsuspecting, but well-meaning pet owners who find themselves suddenly overrun and resorting to bashfully calling on the ASPCA or a local humane shelter to take away the surplus. Scanning Craigslist or checking in with the local animal shelter or Humane Society may yield suitable stock for starting a meat herd. However, guinea pigs are prone to many illnesses, so be sure to purchase only healthy, hardy animals and prepare to have a vet check them over. It is always well worth it in the long run.

Cavy pups are born fully formed, increasing their chances of survival.

Selecting Breeding Stock

Importing live guinea pigs from Peru is definitely not an option for a small-time hobby breeder like me, and there are not a lot of herds raised in the US for meat, so I’m basically starting from scratch with my own breeding program. While there is a lovely variety of colors and conformations among the pet guinea world, again, I’m not breeding for pets. After some research, this is my personal list of traits I’d be looking for to start up a meat herd:

1) Health. Most important over all else, I need strong, vigorous animals that will thrive in an indoor/outdoor environment and are resistant to disease. Healthy = Happy = Tasty.

2) Excellent Mothers. I want females who consistently produce larger (say up to a maximum 4 for now) litters, have great maternal instincts, and who give birth without complications. Pups raised by mothers with good instincts are more likely to survive and are less susceptible to disease.

I’d choose a Teddy Bear cavy as a starting breed for their compact shape and decent size.

3) Size. Important to a meat breed is how large they grow and how quickly they get there. This is where the selective breeding comes in. What I’ll be looking for are pups that grow to about 2 lbs. by the time they are four months old (based off a 1989 Agri Culture newsletter). The fastest growing females will become my new breeders, until I can work my way up to my goal of 4 lbs. in 4 – 6 months.

As a rule of thumb, never breed a large male to a small female! The result may be pups that are too large for the female to handle, causing serious complications that result in irreversible damage and/or death of the mother or her pups.

4) Temperament. Although I’m not breeding for personality, I still want animals that are easy to handle, as regular health inspections and vet checks are an absolute must. I also want to retire my boars and sows rather early, and sweet animals are more likely to find loving homes (and escape the freezer).

Long-haired breeds may supply another niche market.

5) “Multi-purpose” Breeds. With the wide variety in fur types, there’s no reason I should not also breed for fur or hair. I would then supply a small niche market for crafters and artisans. Be warned, longer-haired varieties may need special attention and grooming.

I would look for white-coated animals – particularly the red-eyed white (REW). Personally, I do not see REWs as pets because of their origins as lab animals and their notoriety for poor eyesight and short life-spans. (This is why I do not own REW rats.) This makes them easier for me to raise them as food. Also, the white hair is easily dyed – a desirable quality for consumers. All I’m missing to make this herd perfect is a milking guinea! (Yar!)

This is the Merino breed, the unofficial “guinea sheep!”

What I definitely do not want, are feeder animals. Despite the tempting price (I recently saw some feeder guineas for sale on Craigslist for $5 each), animals intended for snake food are inbred and over-bred with no consideration towards health, happiness, or temperament. Why take the risk of having to destroy your entire stock due to disease when you just got started? Instead, spend the extra money and get cavies from a reputable breeder. I would prefer to purchase my stock from a cavy show, where I can look over many individuals myself.

Housing, Nutrition, and Care

Guinea Pigs thrive in surprisingly small spaces. Meat cavy in Peru are raised in pens, much like real pigs, or are allowed to roam in and out of the kitchen dining on grass and vegetable scraps. One advantage is

Cavies raised outdoors need adequate shelter from predators like this fox.

that once they establish a home base, they rarely wander far from it. So long as they have cover at least six inches high to duck under, they can avoid most predators. This makes them ideal to raise in an urban environment.

I want to raise my herd on the lush grass that grows here in the Midwest, supplementing their diet with timothy hay and fresh veggies. Because, like humans, they do not produce their own vitamin C, they are susceptible to scurvy. Foods such as broccoli, red bell peppers and citrus fruits are also needed in their diet.

I could keep them indoors, but I would need bedding such as straw or hardwood shavings, which are time consuming to maintain. I’d prefer to keep them outdoors in covered pens like the ones shown. Foxes, coyotes, raccoons, hawks, owls, snakes and dogs, and sometimes opossums are all predators that like cuy, too, so outdoor enclosures need to be secure, with plenty of places for the cavies to hide and feel safe.

A beautiful outdoor setup. I would build several of these and rotate my herds through them as needed to provide fresh fodder.

Commercial pet cages or rabbit hutches are not a good choice. Guinea pigs have delicate bones and sensitive paws that easily develop nasty sores (a condition called “bumblefoot”) if they are housed on wire floors. They are also not climbers so multi-level houses are also not good homes.

Some sources say guinea pigs can co-habitate with rabbits and chickens. Personally, I would not do this. Chickens like to peck at such docile creatures and rabbits tend to kick. Even dwarf bunnies are powerful enough to crush cavy bones.

A mobile chicken tractor is also a good option for grazing during the day, so long as they are put up into secure pens at night.

Having a well-trained guard dog is always an asset, especially against the human predator.

Long-Term Breeding Plan

Selectively breeding any animal takes time, research, experience, and patience. I do not expect to be stocking my freezer full of fat cavies anytime soon. The expense of doing this will not be in my favor until I’ve established reliable bloodlines and identified a suitable market to make this all worthwhile.

In the meantime, while I am still researching and planning, I will find a way to get in touch with other folks interested in breeding cuy. If there are enough folks interested, and I’m still serious about this in a few months, I would love to start up a support forum (provided one does not already exist). Starting a forum and getting others interested in this project can open up an opportunity to form mutually beneficial co-ops, which are ideal for small-scale breeders and farmers.

So if you are considering starting your own little backyard homestead, don’t overlook the guinea pig!

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Please note that the information in this article is not entirely complete. If you have further useful information to share on this topic, please feel free to comment. I would be interested in doing a follow-up article. Also, if this is also a project you would like to attempt, please leave a comment! I am very interested in connecting with other cuy enthusiasts!

Further Reading:

American Cavy Breeders Association — http://www.acbaonline.com/

Agri Cultures — The Guinea Pig as Meat Producer

Eat The Weeds – Guinea Pigs, Cavy, Cuy

Houston Chronicle — Importer wants guinea pigs on Houston menus

The Cavy List – Home

Cavies Inc. , Show Quality Guinea Pigs | Facebook

I Told You I Wasn’t Dead!

A lot happens in nearly two years and some information needs updated.

First, the post “Bye Bye Blacksmith?” In this post I vented about “getting fired” from the Colorado blacksmith booth. What actually happened was a supposed “misunderstanding.” See, I was the first of the shop workers to arrive at the faire that year and when Paradise, the faire owner, cornered me about the whereabouts of the blacksmith team. In order for the guys to not get into trouble, I went ahead and started setting up and quickly made some phone calls to get everyone on the pass list. Come to find out, the “new apprentice” was actually one of the guy’s wives; no one recognized her real name. This is the same guy that tried to “get me gone” and started the rumor. When he confirmed the pass list with the office gals, he still “forgot” to put me on. I had to triple-check the list, but the girls got me on. Later, I confronted him about it, and he denied ever suggesting such a rumor. Hmmm.

Suspecting some foul play in the future, I got a steady job at the kitchens and wound up becoming a valuable asset and proved myself in front of Paradise himself – as he owned the kitchen. I still worked the weekdays at the shop and sold my products through my master, who earned a 30% commission, as we agreed upon. This was a trial run on the commission and it worked so well that both my master and I profited. Of course, the same fool I mentioned above tried to take credit for the idea and later tried to implement it for his own “apprentice,” and later for the whole shop, but the idea crashed and burned each time. (Mostly because this fool was a lazy fellow who couldn’t clean up after himself, was prone to melodramatic tantrums, refused to take the time to make items that sold and over-charged for his inferior products.)

At that show, I proved I could not only make money for myself, but for the shop as well – without being there to sell on the weekend.

That Colorado was a dramatic one, one that hit me personally when one of the boy’s girlfriend got my own master into serious trouble. My anger was so great that I wanted to do her serious harm, but instead broke my bottom front teeth. After all, a dental bill is cheaper than bail for a physical assault charge.

The blacksmith drama only increased after that. In Pittsburgh of that year I was “banned” for nearly two weeks out of the shop so that the Fool could “work.” Of course, even though he stuffed the forge like aThanksgiving turkey, he mostly played around with his computer or threw tantrums when his poorly maintained equipment broke or he burned up all the propane before getting anything done. I wasn’t worried, because I already had plenty of stock made, and I’m very resourceful about how I get my product made.

One the last weekend, I proved what I could do by out-selling everyone in the booth put together, despite the work ban and by hardly doing any actual selling. In the meantime, in order to make up for his lack of product, the Fool upped the prices on his crappy products three times that weekend, hoping to make a bulk order deal, while everyone else in the faire dramatically slashed prices.

Oh, and not to mention the stress-demon he managed to conjure in his corner of the shop and the day he threatened physical harm to my family for his own baby sitter’s incompetence (of which I had nothing to do other than being in the wrong place at the wrong time). He apologized (sort of), but only after I had a buddy of his tip him off that he was about to get the “local law enforcement” calledon him.

This year I was not on the circuit. My hubby and I went to Texas to help a dear friend, because I promised, and we wound up getting stuck there for the entire season. I later heard the melodrama didn’t stop with me. My master quietly and wisely turned the shop over to the other boys after they brought in the above-mentioned girlfriend as their counter girl in TRF – a move that in my opinion, was downright cruel and disrespectful to my master, a “long time friend” of both of theirs. Without my master, none of those boys would have any of those shops! Later, a big fight broke out between the last two boys to work in Colorado (I am not including the other “apprentice,” who wisely kept himself completely distanced from the drama) and now the only one left whose name is on the contract is the Fool, and recent reports tell me he’s just as abusive and lazy as ever. Without the others to pay his way, I doubt he’ll make it into TRF, the big, money-making show.

My only hope is that the Fool will fall in his own puddle of deceit, laziness and dirty politics and that his “apprentice” will soar up out of the ashes. I hope that, if that happens, I can come back to reclaim the Pittsburgh booth, which has happy memories for me, despite the later drama. In the meantime, I’m glad all of THAT is behind me.

As for the rest of the chapter in this book of missing pages, while in Texas I learned to wield a chainsaw to make art, adopted two lovely Rott-mix puppies (that I sorely hope I can still keep), and am now awaiting the arrival of my first child, who is due in November of this year. I’m back at home near my folks, John just found employment, and we’re looking for a place to call home.

For now, the cross-country journey is over, but definitely not for long. As I’ve said to many of my “stable” friends – Once you get a taste of true mobility, it’s hard to let it go.

Peace, my dear friends and devoted readers!